When Someone Dies Overseas and You Cannot Go Home: Grief in Australia

When life here carries on while your family is grieving elsewhere

You may receive the news during an ordinary working day in Australia, while relatives overseas are already arranging the funeral. Flights, costs, safety concerns or other responsibilities can make returning impossible. Alongside missing the person, you may be grieving the chance to sit with family, take part in familiar rituals or say goodbye in person.

These are different parts of the same loss. Consider naming what you are missing: the person, the gathering, the last conversation, or the opportunity to help. A clearer description can make it easier to ask someone for the kind of support you need.

Grief does not follow one timetable

Healthdirect describes grief as a response to loss that differs between people and is shaped partly by culture. Sadness, numbness, anger or guilt may come and go. Grief can also affect sleep and concentration. These experiences alone do not establish a mental health diagnosis.

You might cry during a family call and feel relatively calm later. You do not need to demonstrate your love through a particular emotion or amount of crying.

If you feel guilty about not going home

Questions such as “Should I have gone sooner?” can be painful. Try separating the wish to have been there from the practical choices actually available at the time. Write down what you knew then, what was outside your control and what you did to stay connected.

This is an optional reflection, not a way to force the feeling away. If writing leaves you more distressed, pause and speak with a trusted person or a professional.

Ways to remember someone from a distance

Healthdirect suggests remembrance through photos, letters, stories or rituals. Choose something that fits your relationship, beliefs and present capacity. You may adapt it for the distance:

• Ask a relative whether joining part of a gathering by video would feel appropriate.
• Write a private letter with what you wish you could have said.
• Share a photograph and a memory with someone who knew them.
• Arrange a small gathering in Australia, or a quiet moment of remembrance on your own.

Small, meaningful ways to remember and reconnect

If it fits your energy and circumstances, choose one of these ideas. You do not need to do them all or expect your grief to ease immediately. They are personal options for remembrance, connection and caring for yourself.

• Plant a tree or a flower in memory of the person who died, where you now live. Use a pot, your garden or a place where planting is permitted. Caring for it can become a personal remembrance ritual.
• Choose an act of kindness that matters to you, such as helping people in need in your local community. You might respectfully ask someone experiencing homelessness whether they would like you to buy them a meal, or support a local charity. Stay within your financial means and energy.
• Take a deliberate, small step towards widening your connections: message a friend or join a local gathering, shared activity or support group.
• Meet friends who live near you and talk. If you want, share memories of your loved one and how you are feeling. You can also ask for company without discussing the loss yet.
• Spend time in nature: try a gentle walk in a park, sitting by the sea or resting in a green space. Pause and notice your surroundings, without requiring yourself to feel relaxed.

Make room for connection and ordinary needs

You can agree on manageable call times with family, especially across time zones. Let people know whether you want company, practical help or simply someone to listen. You can also ask before relatives send upsetting images or recordings.

For the next few days, choose a small practical plan: a meal, a place to rest and one person to contact. Returning to an ordinary activity or enjoying a moment does not require you to stop remembering the person.

Finding grief support in Australia

myGov outlines support through people around you, counselling and your GP. A GP can help you explore appropriate services. You can ask about language, cultural understanding, appointment format and costs before booking.

If distress is making work, relationships or everyday care difficult, seek help rather than waiting for a particular anniversary. A psychologist can assess your needs; neither grief nor difficulty coping automatically means you have depression. If you prefer Farsi, ask whether sessions are available in Persian and whether online care suits your circumstances.

Ask about compassionate leave at work

In Australia, employees covered by the National Employment Standards receive two days of compassionate leave per qualifying occasion, including the death of an immediate family or household member. It is paid for full-time and part-time employees and unpaid for casual employees.

Notify your employer as soon as practicable. Ask HR about evidence requirements and any additional leave under your agreement or workplace policy, including when the death occurred overseas.

If you need urgent support

If life is in immediate danger, call 000. For crisis support in Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you need an interpreter, call TIS on 13 14 50 and ask to connect to Lifeline on 13 11 14. Fern Up is not an emergency service, and article comments are not monitored for urgent help.